The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
