im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Use "feeling words"
Yay
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
