I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
