Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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