If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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