great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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