life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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