It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
