just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
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Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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