A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
