Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
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Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
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You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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