ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
