I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
