4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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