hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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