i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
