Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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