I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
