yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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