Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
