She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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