Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
