While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
