I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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