How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
