did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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