We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
