none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
