Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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