So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
