hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
