Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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