stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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