I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
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I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
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I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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