So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
After last night, I could never be a politician.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
