Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
