So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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