I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
