your room smells of hookers.
And success
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
