So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
