I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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