I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
