Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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