sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.