Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.