I chose taco bell over sex...
a bad idea.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy