i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.