ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im so drunk with asians
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking