So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets