yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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