woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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