Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
