mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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