Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
