uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
