Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
