We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
