Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
