it wasn't lemon gatorade
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
