I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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