Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
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Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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