So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
