so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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