I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize