My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I miss vodka workout Fridays
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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