he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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