Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
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I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
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After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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