He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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