i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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