WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
