A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
