I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If I die, sorry about rent.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize