you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
