I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
