MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
